The most obvious example though is the Mary and Martha story. Martha was in classic co-dependent mode ‘taking care’ of everyone with a martyr attitude that led her to persecute Mary, who wasn’t being as ‘loving’ as Martha herself.

And Jesus compassionately describes the classic co-dependent state of mind “Martha, you’re troubled about many things.” Mary meanwhile was doing what was more important to her than being a good hostess. She was listening to Jesus.

Mary is not chided by Jesus that she should have been taking care of others, like Martha was. Jesus says that Mary chose a better thing to do, taking care of her spiritual development, and that she shouldn’t stop because someone thought she was too heavenly minded to be of earthly good.

What we must all do is go back to the Bible and challenge religious leaders on their own terms. There’s usually lots of areas in which they are missing the clear teaching of the Bible — such as the wonderfully equal role of women in the New Covenant.

In Christ’s family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal.
Galatians 3:28 (MSG)

First, let me point you my Rescuing Your Inner Princess article (don’t groan, just read it!) for some thoughts on finding yourself as a woman. But come back here and finish reading, too!

The Bible is full of strong women, you don’t need the gnostic gospels to find them! The old testament gives us Jael and Deborah and Miriam and Hannah and Rahab and Tamar and Ruth and so many. Not all of them were strong in a butchy-feminism way, but they all were active in affecting their own destiny, some in changing the destiny of nations. Some were scandalous in their behaviour, but were counted righteous for it.

In the New Testament, if we take away whatever cultural predisposition we were raised with, we can see how Jesus treated women with great respect, which was counter-culture for his time. Women were with him, they supported his ministry, they stood at the foot of the cross when all but one disciple was nowhere to be found. And a women was the first to see him out of the grave, she was the first evangelist.

The prophetic 5 daughters of (I think it was) Philip, Damaris the career woman who got the church in her city started, Priscilla who is often mentioned ahead of her husband Aquila in their ministry…we don’t get a lot of meat on these stories, but there they are.

Any theologically responsible church today is going to be sure that they state the whole passage referring to the dreaded ’submission’ topic.

17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
Colossians 3:17-19 (English Standard Version)

In Ephesians 5, we get more detail on what is expected from both parties. The part in brackets is about what Christ did for the Church and husbands are not expected to accomplish these things for their wives:

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife even a Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, [26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish]. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church

It starts off a pretty hard line, but I think the husbands get the harder part. They are given an enormous responsibility, told to live lovingly with us, nourishing and supporting us,and commanded to even die for us if necessary.

If a man loves and cherishes you in this way, he is not going to be abusive or treat as a sub-human. He is going to listen to your point of view and consider your perspective and treat you very well indeed! In this kind of relationship, submission is less scary.

But submission does mean the bottom line falls on him. If there’s a disagreement, there can be ongoing discussion, but at the end of the day his decision carries.

That can really suck. But remember this: When you KNOW he hasn’t got it right and you KNOW there’s going to be a disaster, it’s not really him that we submit to, but we’re submitting to God who has required us to submit to our husbands. The darkest bottom of submission fear boils down to trust, or rather lack of trust, in God.

I know how hard it can be. It’s a tremendous exercise of faith to submit to another fallible human. But look higher, and while you submit to your husband, place your trust in God. In this life we’re going to walk through many fires whether we trust or not. Choosing to trust doesn’t take away the pain, but it can turn the hard places into magnificent experiences of spiritual growth.

love you

I’ll shut up now. Gotta do the Mom thing and get supper on the table.